*Note: This was originally written in notepad (cuz it’s amazing!) on January 8th… This is how long it took me to get around to making the blog :)
All this time the one thing that made the difference between writing something and not writing anything was the simple and almost negligeable act of clicking on this pathetic little icon to open notepad. Or Microsoft Word. Either way.
Now that’s it’s finally been done, and the notepad window is finally being put to use, what to write? I’d meant this as a place to develop my ideas, to rant about those inspiring epiphanies that form the basis of my understandings. Fact of the matter is, I don’t quite feel writing much at the moment. It’s not that I’m dry on ideas, never that. Rather, someone’s on my mind and because of that I can’t focus on the kinds of things I wanted to write about in these types of… entries. But now that the “click-barrier” has been overcome, at least this post will have accomplished opening the doorway just a bit more so that maybe next time, when I actually do feel like writing, I will.
Now that I think about it, if I had always been resilient to opening a window and writing, even when I actually WANTED to write something, then why today of all days, when I didn’t feel like writing at all did I take that leap, that seemingly momentous step to clicking the icon and writing?
Probably a frustration that has been slowly building up, probably since the summer when I first started thinking about writing. Since that time, I’d told myself that I should start writing little random bits on my mind, the beginnings of stories, concepts, scripts… anything really. And yet, I never did till today. Not for lack of trying, mind you. I can’t count how many times I’ve berated myself for not having the focus to just click that goddamn icon. That’s where I think the frustration came from. Today, it cracked. Still not sure why though… Causality? Fate? Haha.
If this indeed is the start of something, it wouldn’t hurt to record a bit more about this moment would it? A bit more on the obsession of recording things later… Anyways, It’s the night of January 8th, and actually, it’s 20 minutes shy of January 9th. Dentist’s tomorrow morning. Hmph. I was jamming in FL Studios (made a stereotypical techno beat for jokes) and suddenly started thinking about someone… And then that reason I’m still unsure of made me click that goddamn icon.
As much I want to just go to sleep right now and forget about this random musing of mine, I’m ultimately pleased it happened like this. I feel like this is all I need to start writing and it happened in such an anti-climatic way. I’d been waiting so long for that dramatic inspiration that I thought would compel me to start writing and that I was sure would come, and only now do I realize that that sort of thing isn’t the sort of thing you wait for, lest you waste away waiting for it. It was simply my way of procrastinating. Lesson learnt. And Goodnight.